Dorothy says she is upset the US lead bombing raid on ISIS will likely thwart her thrifty fuel shopping
Dorothy Fisher looks just like any other 80 year old grandmother except Dorothy has a secret.
She is a terrorist sympathizer and worse than that she has been caught buying ISIS fuel from her local BP service station at prices so low she has managed to save more than what she regularly loses during her weekly Bingo nights at the Bendigo town hall, north west of Melbourne.
Local Bendigo police chief Darren Frockford says that catching the terrorist sympathizers in his town has been a hard task “usually they leave before we get there and unfortunately we can’t go after the vendor BP because they are much too large an organisation for us to take down with the current lack of state funded resources at our disposal”.
TLP reporters were able to track down the 80 year old terrorist profiteer, she had this to say “people my age don’t even have enough money to buy smokes now a day’s let alone regular priced fuel, how on Earth does the government expect us to get buy?”
When asked how she felt about the recent US lead bombing campaign in Iraq and Syria that could thwart the supply of cheap black market oil into the west Dorothy explained “Fuel hasn’t been this bloody cheap in years, of course I’m upset that their bombing those people, why wouldn’t I be? I’ve got to look out for myself at the end of the day. Since ISIS came in I’ve saved plenty of money, my Bingo debt is gone and just last week I bought my first pack of smokes in over 6 months, I nearly had to give them up at one stage”.
Australian Federal Police media liaison officer Juliette Rawkin says there are so many people profiting from black market ISIS oil that they have asked The Australian Bureau of Statistics to include a question asking people to divulge information about their fuel buying habits in the next Australian Census.
“ISIS are a very well funded organisation, most of their money comes from black market oil they sell to the west as well as some recent intel coming in regarding a digital media science crowd we are still trying to wrap our heads around” Ms Rawkin stated.
Dorothy in the meantime has been let off with a warning with Chief of Police suggesting the powers that be ‘wont close the loophole’ and that this makes it extremely difficult for his officers to charge the local ISIS backers.