BP likely assassinates another staff member for blowing whistle
A 64 year old B.P. whistle blower has died today.
Police say they are confident he died of a ‘heart attack’ saying he was obese and unhealthy looking.
Denny Tyler long time conspiracy theorist and Reddit user explains that the secret government have an elite team of special forces that can assassinate their targets by way of induced heart attack using monster suites.
Mr. Tyler explains that an operative dresses up in the scary suite which can range from werewolf to zombie or even one of Ellen DeGeneres.
“Its the perfect crime. It makes it look like a heart attack, which it is, but no one ever looks at what caused the heart attack and they would fall off their chair if they knew it was a special forces operative dressed up in a hideous monster suite that jumps out of a closet”
Bernie Dyson the 64 year old employee of BP had been blowing the whistle internally at staff meetings for some time saying that B.P. had changed their office printer settings to print on one side only, therefore creating an environmental nightmare for the planet.
Dyson had raised the issue several times during office meetings prompting speculations BP management silenced him just weeks prior to his retirement.
Bernie’s death (and likely assassination) closely follows that of Sue MacGraw a 56 year old woman who had been blowing the whistle on unfiltered fluoridated water in the BP office for some time. The official story is that Sue died of liver disease due to alcoholism but office colleagues suggest she was occasionally sober and lemon detoxed once a year.