Chemtrails and magical elf powder caught spewing from the sleigh
Jerry Blacksheep a resident of New Zealand says he was going about his business, sheering his sheep when he noticed something odd in the sky.It was something Jerry had seen many times before. Always around the same time of year.
A streak of misty looking translucent haze like material.
Jerry pulled out his phone and took the picture you see above. After uploading the image to his computer Jerry was able to zoom in and low and behold the culprit materialized before his eyes.
It was Santa Claus himself.
We interviewed Jerry after his remarkable image hit news headlines recently, he had this to say:
“This shit has been going on for far too long. My whole family has been affected by this. The kids can’t sleep at night, the dog barks constantly and the sheep keep appearing wearing colourful woollen jumpers! It’s not even cold down here at Christmas time!”
When asked how he caught the culprit Jerry explained:
“I was out sheering the sheep next to the back shed when I noticed the streak across the sky so I grabbed my phone and here we are. I got the bastard and he needs to be brought to justice.”
NZ police chief Bob Burgundy says an investigation is under way with new evidence coming in from all over the planet.
“We have some pretty hot leads being telephoned into our Auckland offices from our colleagues all over the world. One investigator sent us images of stuffed teddy bears falling from the skies in Geneva and another in the UK pieced back broken glass that reportedly fell from the skies over Devonshire, once they put it back together the words read ‘Worlds Biggest Pint’ it’s pretty scary stuff and we just want to keep our residents safe from whatever is falling out of Santa’s sleigh or whatever is spewing out of it”.
Environmental pollution experts where quick on the scene to investigate with one of them revealing the materials could be the leading cause of cardiovascular disease.
“We’re not 100% entirely sure what the chemtrails are made of, it could be a new mix of magic dust that the elves have gotten wrong or it could be something completely sinister, we really have no idea at this stage but your readers can rest assured we are working tirelessly with our colleagues to figure it out before someone gets seriously ill”
Another question being asked by concerned locals: what is Santa doing? U.S. Air Marshall turned whistle blower says government agencies have been tracking Santa’s movements over the skies since the 50’s and explains that this is fairly normal behavior.
“Santa is usually testing new additions to his sleigh with a full load of weight before the Christmas rush begins.”