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The True Secret of the Ice Bucket Challenge Revealed

Ice Challenge
Next time I’m taking the (f**king) Pepsi challenge

Unless you’ve been living in a cave on Mars you will have heard of the Ice Bucket Challenge. Of course, THEY insist that it is supposed to be a fun way to raise money for good causes. However, to those of us in the know, it is obviously an exercise in mass brainwashing on a scale never before seen.

And from the beginning, certain members of the rich and famous were taking part. Bill Gates’ homemade contraption was one of the reasons the whole thing went viral so quickly, and several other alleged Illuminati have also allowed themselves to be iced. But why? The Challenge is often humiliating and these people already have all the publicity they need, so why are ‘the great and the good’ getting involved?

Many conspiracy theorists have been “just asking questions”, as they do. F**k knows who they’ve been asking, though, as their possibilities range from Satanic rituals to the cleansing of the American population in preparation for mass sacrifice. But what if the real explanation isn’t quite as much fun as all that? What if, as some seem to believe, the Illuminati have cracked one of history’s most sought after secrets?

The secret of Alchemy.

A quick Wiki search will tell you that alchemists spent their lives trying to turn base metals into gold. They were also heavily involved in aqua vitae, the ‘water of life’, which was used for baptisms.

Water. Gold.

Water…into gold?

Could it be possible that the Illuminati managed to combine two alchemical pursuits and have discovered a way to turn water into gold? Think about it. Many of these celebrities are high up in so-called charitable organisations. They take the raw material, some water, chant a few words and then douse themselves. Next, susceptible sheeple across the globe are doing the same thing without really knowing why. Before long, enough water to drench half of Africa has been poured into the ground.

And every time the water falls, green gold is created in a charity’s account.

After that the real magic occurs. Only a fraction of that green gold actually helps people. The rest is ‘disappeared’ into occult practises such as advertising and lobbying, as well as enriching the executives who are begging for money in the first place. And, just like magicians throughout the ages, they’re doing it under our very noses while daring us to spot where they’re hiding the Ace.

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