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Fanatical Christian Woman Finds Satanic Hebrew Message in Monster Energy Drink

Having a bad day? This lunatic will make you feel heaps better.

A friend alerted me to a great Lad Bible Facebook post of a woman that appears to be an escaped mental patient or out on early release for good behaviour telling people about her Monster Energy Drink theory. Please understand we are not medical professionals and our diagnosis may be slightly off. Take a look and judge for yourself.

Lets break the video down before we have a jolly old laugh at some of the funnier memes people are posting on The Lad Bible’s Facebook page in response to the video.

Firstly, monster lady managed to find the numbers 666 cleverly embedded into the Monster Energy Drink logo (there are a bunch of these crackpot theories online) and somehow connected this with the Hebrew alphabet. Personally TLP thought it was simple marketing 101 and supposed to resemble the monstrous energy tearing through the can.

Then monster lady displays her project sketches and other random crap on the back of a cardboard box (presumably what she was working on prior to her early release). She explains how Monster Energy Drink cannot be a Christian company because they refer to some of their big fucking cans as “Big Fucking Cans” and because MILF’s (Mom’s I’d Like to Fuck) enjoy the drink…

…naturally there is also an upside down cross which is probably supposed to do something messed up and turn all of the little brats who consume it into Regan like demons straight out of The Exorcist, maybe, we can only assume because she didn’t elaborate. Demonic Superpowers in a can…a’la Monster Energy?

I’d love to be a fly on the wall over at the Blue Sky Beverage Company when the product manager for the energy drink attempts to pitch this one to the marketing manager and other execs.

“So I thought we would attempt to unleash the demon god Satan onto the world today with our perfectly branded Monster Energy Drink. As it turns out, recent polls suggest it is the most well suited energy drink for the upcoming zombie apocalypse…”

Now, those memes we promised you…

Stop right there

F This

Back to the kitchen

Ching Chong Potato

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Monster Energy Executives are laughing their asses off and making it rain dolla billz!

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