Jerry Blacksheep a resident of New Zealand says he was going about his business, sheering his sheep when he noticed something odd in the sky.It was something Jerry had seen many times before. Always around the same time of year.

A streak of misty looking translucent haze like material.

Jerry pulled out his phone and took the picture you see above. After uploading the image to his computer Jerry was able to zoom in and low and behold the culprit materialized before his eyes.

It was Santa Claus himself.

We interviewed Jerry after his remarkable image hit news headlines recently, he had this to say:

“This shit has been going on for far too long. My whole family has been affected by this. The kids can’t sleep at night, the dog barks constantly and the sheep keep appearing wearing colourful woollen jumpers! It’s not even cold down here at Christmas time!”

When asked how he caught the culprit Jerry explained:

“I was out sheering the sheep next to the back shed when I noticed the streak across the sky so I grabbed my phone and here we are. I got the bastard and he needs to be brought to justice.”

NZ police chief Bob Burgundy says an investigation is under way with new evidence coming in from all over the planet.

“We have some pretty hot leads being telephoned into our Auckland offices from our colleagues all over the world. One investigator sent us images of stuffed teddy bears falling from the skies in Geneva and another in the UK pieced back broken glass that reportedly fell from the skies over Devonshire, once they put it back together the words read ‘Worlds Biggest Pint’ it’s pretty scary stuff and we just want to keep our residents safe from whatever is falling out of Santa’s sleigh or whatever is spewing out of it”.

Environmental pollution experts where quick on the scene to investigate with one of them revealing the materials could be the leading cause of cardiovascular disease.

“We’re not 100% entirely sure what the chemtrails are made of, it could be a new mix of magic dust that the elves have gotten wrong or it could be something completely sinister, we really have no idea at this stage but your readers can rest assured we are working tirelessly with our colleagues to figure it out before someone gets seriously ill”

Another question being asked by concerned locals: what is Santa doing? U.S. Air Marshall turned whistle blower says government agencies have been tracking Santa’s movements over the skies since the 50’s and explains that this is fairly normal behavior.

“Santa is usually testing new additions to his sleigh with a full load of weight before the Christmas rush begins.”

The post Santa Claus Caught Spraying Deadly Chemtrails appeared first on The Lizard People.

A 64 year old B.P. whistle blower has died today.

Police say they are confident he died of a ‘heart attack’ saying he was obese and unhealthy looking.

Denny Tyler long time conspiracy theorist and Reddit user explains that the secret government have an elite team of special forces that can assassinate their targets by way of induced heart attack using monster suites.

Mr. Tyler explains that an operative dresses up in the scary suite which can range from werewolf to zombie or even one of Ellen DeGeneres.

“Its the perfect crime. It makes it look like a heart attack, which it is, but no one ever looks at what caused the heart attack and they would fall off their chair if they knew it was a special forces operative dressed up in a hideous monster suite that jumps out of a closet”

Bernie Dyson the 64 year old employee of BP had been blowing the whistle internally at staff meetings for some time saying that B.P. had changed their office printer settings to print on one side only, therefore creating an environmental nightmare for the planet.

Dyson had raised the issue several times during office meetings prompting speculations BP management silenced him just weeks prior to his retirement.

Bernie’s death (and likely assassination) closely follows that of Sue MacGraw a 56 year old woman who had been blowing the whistle on unfiltered fluoridated water in the BP office for some time. The official story is that Sue died of liver disease due to alcoholism but office colleagues suggest she was occasionally sober and lemon detoxed once a year.

The post Another BP Employee Dies after Blowing Whistle appeared first on The Lizard People.

Next years Crisis Actors Guild Awards nominations have finally been revealed.

With the ceremony taking place in April 2015 the guild has just revealed the following category nominees.

Best Grieving Female

• Naomi Waterhouse for her US radio interview regarding Malaysia Airlines Flight 370 disappearance.
• Eva DeGraaf for her performance on Dutch News programs about the Malaysia Airlines Flight 17 shoot-down.
• Soha Kaled for her Palestinian hospital bed scene in the Israel Palestine Gaza conflict following her ‘sons’ death.

Best Angry Male

• Family Member Zhong Ya Ping for his on camera abuse regarding his familys disappearance on Malaysia Airlines Flight 370.
• Eric VanHeers televised nail biting accusations of Malaysia Airlines staff during the Flight 17 saga.
• Osama Abu Sharif telling western reporters Israel must pay for bombing his home in this years Israel and Palestine Gaza conflict.

Most Realistic Evening News Interviewee

• Ruslan Levchenko (Ukranian conflict)
• Boko Fofana (Ebola crisis)
• Abdul Aziz Abu Bahar (Islamic State in Syria)