Those curls do not look natural

The story goes that Athena Doyle thought the Illuminati was trying to kill her whole family. So what’s a girl to do?

Like any sensible modern day woman Athena takes to Facebook and posts a massive rant not unlike regular folk do regarding more monotonous things like the last piece of toilet paper or that Rex the dog barfed inside again.

Athena has 1 crazy friend that likes her rant and 1 reasonable friend that does the normal thing

Athena’s car was later found upside down at the bottom of a 300 foot hill. Doyle and her two sons where airlifted to hospital. The two young boys have since been discharged, no one saw what happened *queue twilight zone music* but the cops decided to arrest her bat shit crazy ass anyway. That should keep her safe from the Illuminati, but we’re not so sure about the fat and hairy bull dykes in prison.

Whats the harm in crazy conspiracy theories right?

More on this story here.

The post Conspiracy Theorist Woman Drives Her Two Sons off a Cliff…Because Illuminati – Thats Why appeared first on The Lizard People.

A 64 year old B.P. whistle blower has died today.

Police say they are confident he died of a ‘heart attack’ saying he was obese and unhealthy looking.

Denny Tyler long time conspiracy theorist and Reddit user explains that the secret government have an elite team of special forces that can assassinate their targets by way of induced heart attack using monster suites.

Mr. Tyler explains that an operative dresses up in the scary suite which can range from werewolf to zombie or even one of Ellen DeGeneres.

“Its the perfect crime. It makes it look like a heart attack, which it is, but no one ever looks at what caused the heart attack and they would fall off their chair if they knew it was a special forces operative dressed up in a hideous monster suite that jumps out of a closet”

Bernie Dyson the 64 year old employee of BP had been blowing the whistle internally at staff meetings for some time saying that B.P. had changed their office printer settings to print on one side only, therefore creating an environmental nightmare for the planet.

Dyson had raised the issue several times during office meetings prompting speculations BP management silenced him just weeks prior to his retirement.

Bernie’s death (and likely assassination) closely follows that of Sue MacGraw a 56 year old woman who had been blowing the whistle on unfiltered fluoridated water in the BP office for some time. The official story is that Sue died of liver disease due to alcoholism but office colleagues suggest she was occasionally sober and lemon detoxed once a year.

The post Another BP Employee Dies after Blowing Whistle appeared first on The Lizard People.

This is one for all our history buff believers- you must know about the story of Grigori Rasputin.

Known as the Mad Monk, he was a major part of early twentieth century Russian society, a priest who had a close relationship with the royal family and a libido that was off the charts. Aside from that, he was also said to have magical, sometimes restorative powers. When he eventually met his end via assassination, he had to be poisoned, shot, and drowned before he apparently died. Most skeptics swallow these facts as truth (IDIOTS), referencing the fact that Rasputin’s body was removed from the river several days later, obviously dead. But we’re here to explain to you what really happened that night-and, more importantly, what has happened since.

While many people just blindly assumed that Grigori Rasputin brought it while he was trying to claw his way out from under the ice of a Russian river, we know that he survived that night. Replacing what was assumed to be his body with that of a corpse with an ostentatious beard attached- a series of events that would later form the basis for the hit film Weekend at Bernie’s- he fled revolutionary Russia, sensing the danger that lay there for him, and continued his career fraternising with the upper echelons of the cultural elite. That’s right- we can confirm that Rasputin actually ended up in Hollywood. And he’s been working there ever since.

With his magical powers, Rasputin acted as a consultant for many major horror-related motion pictures during his stay in Los Angeles. Although he’s now retired from the business officially, he occasionally takes on jobs as favours for proteges like Scorsece and Tarantino. While his official involvement on film sets is generally kept hush-hush for fear that the viewing public may be put off by the involvement of a supposedly-dead Russian priest, he is a regular on the LA party circuit.

Evidence of this is limitless- aside from a photo with Grigori and George A. Romero from the set of Night of the Living Dead, which was tweeted in 1967 then quickly removed, he regularly uses pseudonyms to conceal his real identity. The general rule of thumb is that if the person accepting the Academy Award has a big beard, it’s a nod to the fact that Rasputin was behind the bulk of the work.

He is scheduled to begin production of a new movie next spring.

The post Mad Monk Rasputin Still Alive and in Hollywood appeared first on The Lizard People.