It has long been suspected that mankind had a hand in creating the AIDS epidemic. Some say it was engineered by the CIA to wipe out the world’s homosexuals and African Americans, others that it is actually caused by the very drugs that are supposed to treat the disease.

And now, as if one attempt to wipe out half the human race wasn’t enough, it is very possible that the Ebola virus was not started by fruit bats at all. In fact, new information suggests that it was dingbats in a fast food laboratory. According to a technician at the top secret Columbus University of Nutritional Technology, scientists were trying to reverse engineer the delicious Taco Bell burrito when something went horribly wrong.

“We were trying to recreate that exquisite taste and texture under strict laboratory conditions,” said Dwight Lefou, currently of no fixed abode. “We knew that there could be risk involved and I swear we took all possible precautions. We thought we’d nailed it, but instead we seem to have unleashed hell on earth.”

For obvious reasons, the whistleblower has been met with cries of derision from the scientific community, not least because there’s no proof the U.N.T actually exists. He has been dismissed by many as an unstable alcoholic with an axe to grind which, ironically, was exactly the reason quoted by a previous employer for firing him. However, he remains resolute in his belief that his team accidentally created the Doomsday Virus in their quest for the ultimate snack treat.

“Just think about it,” he frequently tells anyone who will listen. “There are just too many similarities for it to be coincidence. Both Ebola and Burrito come from exotic locations and no one is sure which animals are involved. They both cause high temperature, severe stomach cramps and, in many cases, bleeding from the anus.

“There’s no known cure. In both cases it’s a matter of consuming lots of liquids and hoping for the worst to pass quickly. If you’re lucky there isn’t too much long term damage. And finally, it is when the victim is at the height of their suffering that they are most dangerous to those closest to them. Admittedly, the mortality rate for Ebola is 50-90%, so that makes it a little more fatal than Taco Bell, but the signs are all there.”

When asked the obvious question as to how the virus crossed the considerable distance between Africa and his American lab, Lefou simply took a swig from a brown paper bag, mumbling something about an African vacation taken by one of his superiors who had “a thing for monkeys”.

A dangerous drunk? Or a maverick scientist trying to atone for bringing the human race to the brink of extermination? You decide…

The post Ebola Was Fast Food Research Accident appeared first on The Lizard People.

Wikipedia as we all know is a CIA and NSA led global misinformation operation, so instead of giving you misleading information from the Wikipedia article on Ebola, we as always are here to give you the true facts on what Ebola really is and what it’s about to do to Planet Earth and it’s inhabitants.

What is Ebola?

No one really knows what Ebola is.

Not even scientists.

Some say it’s ‘an infectious and generally fatal disease marked by fever and severe internal bleeding, spread through contact with infected body fluids by a filovirus ( Ebola virus ), whose normal host species is unknown.’ but that’s just medical mumbo-jumbo written in such a way to create mass global confusion.

Most truthers have come to know that Ebola is a deadly zombie virus created by evil bio scientists working for the World Health Organization in the 1970’s. It was created as a bioweapon against humanity itself and the host species that some say is “unknown” is in fact zombie blood being harvested from thousands of infected zombies located in a complex underground zombie prison base.

Who you should trust?

Trust no one. Not even us.

Don’t trust “health experts” especially doctors.

Never trust the media, they have proven that in times like these they play second fiddle to their reptilian overlords.

Trust your own instincts.

If you think armageddon is coming by way of a zombie apocalypse disguised as an “Ebola outbreak” and your instincts tell you to start digging a hideout hole for you and your family in your back yard with supreme DIY prowess then obviously, do so. Even if all local intel sources appear to tell the opposite story, and especially if they call you ‘crazy.’

What you should do?

Prepare yourself.

The elite have been preparing for thousands of years.

Recently they have been sending each other coded smoke signals hidden right in front of our eyes by way of programs such as The Walking Dead and many other recent apocalyptic zombie films.

They do this to signal the start of the end to one another. Kind of like a secret handshake and *wink* done over vast distances.

You should take heed from the elite and start storing flashlights, batteries, zombie killing weapons, canned food and of course medicine.

The post EBOLA: The End of World Virus Is Here! appeared first on The Lizard People.

Cancer sucks and so does BIG Pharma.

Here is a list of the TOP 10 methods that won’t cure your cancer that BIG Pharma doesn’t want you to know about.

Instead they continue to let you try these stupid and ridiculous methods, spending your limited time and money while they search for a cure instead.

#1 Prayer

Any prayer of any sort is just a complete waste of time.

It’s f*cking stupid!

Group prayer, prayer in the morning, prayer at night, crying while praying, Christian prayer, Islamic prayer. It just doesn’t work because cancer doesn’t have ears and it’s a bastard.

The same goes for chanting or writing letters to Cancer Santa.

Thanks for the heads up BIG Pharma… not!

#2 Baking Soda

Baking Soda is great for baking your granny’s ultimate heart attack inducing cake but thats all.

Online alternative health pundits have been exclaiming for years that the cure to cancer is in your pantry cupboard right next to the vanilla essence. Unfortunately the medicine companies and cancer research institutes just let you go right along and devour spoonfuls of the stuff without telling you its simply just a great way to bake! Scum!

#3 Snake Oil

They have let you scour the Internet for “snake oil” for decades, without once ever officially telling you that “Snake Oil categorically will not cure your cancer, in fact it doesn’t even exist”.

Not only that, but it’s actually extremely hard to buy, so all you end up doing is searching and searching while they sit in their lab coats staring down the barrell of a microscope.

#4 Not Wearing Deodorant

Not wearing deodorant is disgusting.

But all big pharma will have you do is get embarrassed on public transport by way of not telling you to wear deodorant when they know the truth, they know deodorant doesn’t cause cancer.

#5 Email Forwarding

We have all done it.

And they just sat back and let us do it.

Completely wasting our time… and our bandwidth.

You get a sad and crappy email about some kid whos got cancer, all you have to do is forward it to 7 friends and the kids cancer will be cured right? WRONG!

It never happens, miracles never work on email. Some sicko just decided it would be nice to do that and little of well wishing you just happened to want to believe it, all the while the pharmaceutical companies are sending emails to one another about potential new cures.

#6 Smoking Pot

Lets be honest, there is probably real tangible and medically backed serious research going on right now into the effects of weed on cancer, but smoking it and getting blazed has absolutely nothing to do with that. Sure it might make you hungry so you put some weight on, and it might ease the pain, but smoking just gets you high.

So while you sit there high as a kite, you still have cancer because the real cancer cure likely needs to be extracted by some sort of quantum mechanics and injected into the tumour via constant and persistent special dose, they know this and it makes us sick, just sitting there letting you get high and feel awesome. Pathetic.

#7 Magnets

Magnets are great, for fridges.

Strapping them to your body and expecting them to suck the cancer our is as ridiculous as strapping them to your ass and expecting antigravity to take effect.

Instead of sending you a memo saying “No Jerry, don’t be a dumbass and buy magnets, you should come back for your blood tests instead…” they just continue working their asses off and ignoring you, treating you like the idiot you really are…and they are supposed to be medical professionals, what a joke!

#8 Joining A Cult

Joining scientology might make you look crazy to your friends, but it certainly won’t cure your cancer.

Why they don’t spend any of the money they get from research grants or from the millions in donations they receive annually to run a few radio and TV ads warning you this wont work is beyond belief.

So much money for ads, so little spent.

#9 Magic Water

Magic Water, it comes in many different guises and under many different names.

Silver Colloidal Water, Holy Water, Oxygenated Water, Sugar Water, Salt Water, Magnetic Water, Ionised Water… it’s all just water and water tastes great but it doesn’t kill cancer and they know it.

You sit there guzzling it and pouring it all over your body like the stupid idiot you are and they, the doctors, they just drink plain old tap water… in a non fancy, cheap and reliable glass never even thinking to let you have some of their normal water.

#10 Crystals

New age hippies love them, teenage girls wear them and psychics slatter their tables with them.

They come in all shapes and sizes and are absolutely positively not going to cure any cancer of any sort in any lifetime and thats EXACTLY what BIG Pharma knows… Oh my God, they would help you save soooo much money if they would just not hide this from you.

The post Top 10 Methods for Not Curing Cancer Hidden by BIG Pharma appeared first on The Lizard People.