The main reason that sheeple of this world give for refusing to accept the existence of extraterrestrials is a complete lack of proof. Such ignorance is trying, to say the least, especially given the evidence that is staring them in the face: Area 51, Russian ‘meteors’ mysteriously shot out of the sky, Hawaiian light shows and so on. Yet still they persist in their denial. What more proof do they need, for fuc…sorry. What more proof do they need?

Now, we are willing to admit that the average alien is extremely skilled in the art of concealment. That’s why you can’t just buy a map to ET’s House in the shops. However, once in a while, one of them goes rogue and threatens to blow the lid on the whole thing. This time, it’s not an ET, it’s a DT.

It feels like Donald Trump has been in and around the spotlight since forever. His colorful business past, extravagant lifestyle, and crazy wife meant he never quite went away. Up until now, most people have dismissed him as a vain buffoon with far too much cash — just another rich asshole enjoying life in the 1%. Since deciding to run for President, however, his behaviour has become increasingly bizarre.

Almost alien, one might say.

Trump is still as arrogant as ever but now appears unable to control himself in public. Apart from the inflammatory rhetoric, he is also displaying unusual ‘powers’. For example, after he was slaughtered in a political debate, he accused the female moderator of “having blood coming out of her eyes, blood coming out of her wherever”. How could he know that? We’ve always been led to believe that’s something only bears and sharks can sense.

Then there are his constant attacks on immigrants. This guy is protesting so much about illegal aliens that he can only be trying to hide in plain sight. How better to avoid suspicion than to deflect it elsewhere? When he claimed that President Obama isn’t “one of us”, why did no one ask him who the ‘us’ referred to?

All evidence points to an alien subversion of the White House, with Trump attempting to install himself as the most powerful man on the planet. Once in power, he would be perfectly placed to prepare for any future invasion. He could dismantle NASA, weaken the general population by slashing medical benefits, and even reduce the military’s ability to fight by getting into another war of attrition. And the true beauty of this plan? If anyone questions his decisions, he can just claim he is doing his job as a Republican.

There’s even the possibility that his ascension to power has already been foretold by Hollywood. In 1997, someone turned up claiming to be the Supreme Being. They, too, began by spouting unintelligible nonsense. There was also exactly the same insistence that only they could save planet Earth.

And they had crazy orange hair as well!

The post Is Donald Trump Proof That Aliens Walk Amongst Us? appeared first on The Lizard People.

“Where the freaking hell have these guys gone?”

Well, we are now able to answer that question. We just hope you are sitting down.

Remember that UFO sighting over the Statue of Liberty in December last year? We do, and we can tell you it was a damn sight more than a sighting. In the middle of compiling a dossier on Michael Jackson’s latest known whereabouts, we were suddenly surrounded by an intense light. There followed a brief, intense feeling of being in millions of places at the same time, then…nothing but blackness.

Screenshot of youtube video posted by Scott Kensington and wife. Yes, they saw what happened to us!

Next we knew, we were sitting in the most comfortable armchairs imaginable. Interplanetary La-Z-Boy recliners, if you will. Our hosts appeared as floating balls of pure energy, brilliant against the darkness. Their voices bypassed our senses and arrived directly in our minds — in English, funnily enough. The leader, whose name apparently translated as Philip, told us that we were guests on their ship and would be well treated. He refused to answer any questions as to his identity or that of our destination. However, he did apologize for the tablets we were to be given in place of food and water. The journey was to take four Earth days with no human toilet facilities on board, so it sounded more than fair.

Naturally, one question was running through our heads over and over again. What did these clearly advanced aliens want with us? Had we been specifically targeted or was this just a random abduction? Were we being looked after because they valued us or was it just easier to insert the probe if we were relaxed? We were literally in the dark for those four days, with only each other for company and not even basic internet. It was a worrying time.

As it turned out we needn’t have worried — our butt cherries were to remain intact. As soon as we arrived, Philip spoke an alien command and what we assumed was a black wall suddenly dissolved and became a giant panoramic window. Instantly we knew where we had been taken because we had been studying pictures of that red landscape for years. It was Mars!

According to Philip, the Martians were pissed at the arrival of the Curiosity Rover and wanted to hit back at those responsible. Their plan was to create geological features that would be very difficult to explain. Our job, as experienced Truthers, was to come up with the ideas and then supervise the manufacture.

So that is where we have been these past few months!

Our first success was the ‘little green man’, and we grew from there. There were many other achievements, but we are especially proud of the ‘facehugger’, the ‘pyramid’ and, of course, how can we miss our masterpiece, the ‘floating spoon’.

Oh boy, now that we look back at these photos. They really do look awesome!

In fact, when spies back on Earth told our hosts of our success they didn’t want to let us leave. But we had to go. It was a great honour to be chosen, but several months living off nutrition tablets had taken its toll. We were really missing pizza, beer and broadband. Not to mention the ability to take a satisfying dump. Eventually, we persuaded the Martians that pranking so-called scientists was awesome, but we were needed back on Earth to fight a greater enemy — The Establishment. They agreed to let us return home in exchange for a few more ideas. Keep watching the news for eerie photos resembling Kanye West.

And so, to paraphrase Randy Quaid in Independence Day before he went batshit crazy…

“Hello boys! We’re baaaaaack!!”

The post The Real Truthers Behind The Mars Rover Photos! appeared first on The Lizard People.

Wizards (not the cool kind) disguised as homeopaths have recently declared the world as healed.

Methods used? Leuticum (Or Syph) potion of course. Made from the dust of pixie wings and unicorn horns flushed straight down the toilet bowel. Alternatively, sprinkled into the ocean.

TLP was first alerted to this historical global event by Quackometer. A website dedicated to the monotonous task of metering the decibel rating of duck quacks. Or something like that.

See for yourselves the global request and instructions for healing below:

Courtesy of Quackometer.net

A Homeopathic expert we found on Facebook who calls himself Harold The Healer tells TLP he thinks Grace DaSilva-Hill used incorrect amounts of unicorn horns to pixie wing dust because as Harry put it ‘the world is still fucked-up, man’.

TLP investigative reporters have spoken with several key experts on the topic of world peace and they appear to concur with Mr. Healers comments.

“Just look at Ferguson Missouri, Ukraine and death squads like ISIS. Until we can defeat things like war, starvation and Kim Jong-un’s fasination with Nuclear Weapons and African American Basket Ballers, world peace shall not be proclaimed” said an old Nepalese sage we interviewed via carrier pigeon from his home, a dark and cold cave that smells of urine and feces.

Grace DaSilva-Hill, may the peaceful spirit of the albino dolphins carry you and your honorable cause to it’s final destination, for world peace is truly a great human problem that you have attempted to solve.

The post Homeopaths Heal World With Magical Toilet Potion appeared first on The Lizard People.

UFO researcher Tom Carey says he has ‘smoking gun’ evidence that insect like aliens were operated on in Roswell New Mexico.

Carey says the images were sent to him by a high powered woman who has a pilots license from Midland, Texas and that camera maker Kodak has authenticated his photograph as being dated from the year of the crash incident.

The only problem is that Carey hasn’t revealed his smoking gun evidence and it doesn’t help that he also makes his money from writing books about Roswell and Area 51.

That old chestnut! The old bait and switch.

Tell people you have something you don’t have then when they come looking you sell them something else.

You can read the original story here or read a far better analysis here.

At least he is doing better than this guy who showed you images of toys you can buy at K-Mart and then told you it was aliens.

Or this other guy who told you there are 100,000 Bigfoot in North America but he can’t show you any.

The post Man Has ‘Smoking Gun’ Evidence of Area 51 Alien Autopsy appeared first on The Lizard People.

Jerry Blacksheep a resident of New Zealand says he was going about his business, sheering his sheep when he noticed something odd in the sky.It was something Jerry had seen many times before. Always around the same time of year.

A streak of misty looking translucent haze like material.

Jerry pulled out his phone and took the picture you see above. After uploading the image to his computer Jerry was able to zoom in and low and behold the culprit materialized before his eyes.

It was Santa Claus himself.

We interviewed Jerry after his remarkable image hit news headlines recently, he had this to say:

“This shit has been going on for far too long. My whole family has been affected by this. The kids can’t sleep at night, the dog barks constantly and the sheep keep appearing wearing colourful woollen jumpers! It’s not even cold down here at Christmas time!”

When asked how he caught the culprit Jerry explained:

“I was out sheering the sheep next to the back shed when I noticed the streak across the sky so I grabbed my phone and here we are. I got the bastard and he needs to be brought to justice.”

NZ police chief Bob Burgundy says an investigation is under way with new evidence coming in from all over the planet.

“We have some pretty hot leads being telephoned into our Auckland offices from our colleagues all over the world. One investigator sent us images of stuffed teddy bears falling from the skies in Geneva and another in the UK pieced back broken glass that reportedly fell from the skies over Devonshire, once they put it back together the words read ‘Worlds Biggest Pint’ it’s pretty scary stuff and we just want to keep our residents safe from whatever is falling out of Santa’s sleigh or whatever is spewing out of it”.

Environmental pollution experts where quick on the scene to investigate with one of them revealing the materials could be the leading cause of cardiovascular disease.

“We’re not 100% entirely sure what the chemtrails are made of, it could be a new mix of magic dust that the elves have gotten wrong or it could be something completely sinister, we really have no idea at this stage but your readers can rest assured we are working tirelessly with our colleagues to figure it out before someone gets seriously ill”

Another question being asked by concerned locals: what is Santa doing? U.S. Air Marshall turned whistle blower says government agencies have been tracking Santa’s movements over the skies since the 50’s and explains that this is fairly normal behavior.

“Santa is usually testing new additions to his sleigh with a full load of weight before the Christmas rush begins.”

The post Santa Claus Caught Spraying Deadly Chemtrails appeared first on The Lizard People.

No, this is not the title of a never before seen episode of the Twilight Zone nor is it an extra chapter in H.G. Wells Time Machine.

This is real. And it is hilarious. Or disturbing. Depends on how you look at it. Kind of like watching an episode of Adventure Time completely baked off your ass.

But wait there’s more. In case you thought a ‘time traveler’ running for president is about as sparkly as it gets, you would be wrong. Not only is the presidential candidate a ‘time traveler’ he also claims to have teleported to Mars and is an Indigo child with special abilities including using his mind to levitate small objects.

Incredibly by day the super hero time traveler is a lawyer named Andrew Basiago.

Oh, Geez Louise that sucks. Now we definitely can’t trust him even though we absolutely want to! How freaking awesome would it be having this crazy cat as U.S. President! It sure beats the current semi-cool black President who plays basket ball by an awesomeness factor of three thousand percent.

Nevertheless, let’s assume Mr. Presidential Candidate is telling the truth. Realistically as a lawyer he won’t have access to anything other than a rankly old coffee machine or a new iPhone, let alone the time machine he used to surf space time with.

How then will he prove his time travel adventures?

With a photograph. That’s how!

Andy claims to have been part of a U.S. Government program when he was a kid and was sent to Mars, Lincoln’s Gettysburg speech (image attached below), one million years into the past and 2045.

Young time traveler Andrew Basiago photobombing Gettysburg

Andy Basiago published a paper in 2008 titled The Discovery of Life on Mars where he declares:

Evidence that the Red Planet harbors life and has for eons was discovered by the author by examining NASA photograph PIA10214, a westward view of the West Valley of the Columbia Basin in the Gusev Crater that was taken by the Mars Exploration Rover Spirit in November 2007 and beamed back to the Earth.

Below is one of the many images contained in Basiago’s paper where he explains that the image reveals a humanoid, a dinosaur, snakes and an entity with a cobra-like torso.

Basiago’s Indigo child super powers allow him to see what others cannot. All we see is rocks.

On Mars, humanoids and plesiosaurs extinct on Earth co-exist (left), as snakes slither across the ground and a humanoid confronts an odd entity with a cobra-like torso (right). The Martians have adorned the surface above their subterranean dwellings with relics. Is this an ecosystem teeming with life or a surreal sculpture garden? Probably, it is both.

Why would Andy need to write a paper arguing for life on Mars using images NASA took if he’s actually been to Mars? Who knows, maybe the cobra-like rock people were too afraid to show themselves in front of Andy and his time travelling mob of dweebs.

Oddly Andy says he will not win the 2016 presidential election (this was explained to him by Government agents when he and Barack Obama used to hang out and time travel). Basiago says he will run again in 2020 and will definitely win that one.

Andy, mate we’d love to have a beer with you, you are one seriously rad dude.

The post ‘Time Traveler’ Running for President in 2016 appeared first on The Lizard People.

A friend alerted me to a great Lad Bible Facebook post of a woman that appears to be an escaped mental patient or out on early release for good behaviour telling people about her Monster Energy Drink theory. Please understand we are not medical professionals and our diagnosis may be slightly off. Take a look and judge for yourself.

Lets break the video down before we have a jolly old laugh at some of the funnier memes people are posting on The Lad Bible’s Facebook page in response to the video.

Firstly, monster lady managed to find the numbers 666 cleverly embedded into the Monster Energy Drink logo (there are a bunch of these crackpot theories online) and somehow connected this with the Hebrew alphabet. Personally TLP thought it was simple marketing 101 and supposed to resemble the monstrous energy tearing through the can.

Then monster lady displays her project sketches and other random crap on the back of a cardboard box (presumably what she was working on prior to her early release). She explains how Monster Energy Drink cannot be a Christian company because they refer to some of their big fucking cans as “Big Fucking Cans” and because MILF’s (Mom’s I’d Like to Fuck) enjoy the drink…

…naturally there is also an upside down cross which is probably supposed to do something messed up and turn all of the little brats who consume it into Regan like demons straight out of The Exorcist, maybe, we can only assume because she didn’t elaborate. Demonic Superpowers in a can…a’la Monster Energy?

I’d love to be a fly on the wall over at the Blue Sky Beverage Company when the product manager for the energy drink attempts to pitch this one to the marketing manager and other execs.

“So I thought we would attempt to unleash the demon god Satan onto the world today with our perfectly branded Monster Energy Drink. As it turns out, recent polls suggest it is the most well suited energy drink for the upcoming zombie apocalypse…”

Now, those memes we promised you…

…Meanwhile

Monster Energy Executives are laughing their asses off and making it rain dolla billz!

The post Fanatical Christian Woman Finds Satanic Hebrew Message in Monster Energy Drink appeared first on The Lizard People.

Those curls do not look natural

The story goes that Athena Doyle thought the Illuminati was trying to kill her whole family. So what’s a girl to do?

Like any sensible modern day woman Athena takes to Facebook and posts a massive rant not unlike regular folk do regarding more monotonous things like the last piece of toilet paper or that Rex the dog barfed inside again.

Athena has 1 crazy friend that likes her rant and 1 reasonable friend that does the normal thing

Athena’s car was later found upside down at the bottom of a 300 foot hill. Doyle and her two sons where airlifted to hospital. The two young boys have since been discharged, no one saw what happened *queue twilight zone music* but the cops decided to arrest her bat shit crazy ass anyway. That should keep her safe from the Illuminati, but we’re not so sure about the fat and hairy bull dykes in prison.

Whats the harm in crazy conspiracy theories right?

More on this story here.

The post Conspiracy Theorist Woman Drives Her Two Sons off a Cliff…Because Illuminati – Thats Why appeared first on The Lizard People.

#1 Kiai Master vs MMA Fighter

This is a video of a Kiai martial arts master that agreed to a $5,000 dollar fight bet. His opponent? A Mixed Martial Artist. Rules? Winner takes all. The Kiai Master is a force to be reckoned with. He uses magical powers to thrust and throw his opponents around the Dojo with the simple flicker of his fingers and of course, mystical mind powers. We’ll let you see what happens for yourself.

#2 Swedish Hippy Woman Attempts to Create Psychic Force Field

Ever wondered if Psychic Energy and Force Fields are just for mutants and super heroes? This video will answer that question. Watch as this practitioner of a martial art called Yellow Bamboo (claims to teach it’s students how to fight using psychic energy fields) attempts to stop a man running directly at her.

#3 Another Yellow Bamboo Energy Defense Video

As if the first Yellow Bamboo video of that rather ignorant hippy woman getting slammed to the ground wasn’t enough. In this video an Australian man takes on not one, but two Yellow Bamboo energy fighters! Watch the video to see if he escapes alive.

#4 No Touch KO Karate Master Tries His Superhuman Powers on a Non-Believer

Watch as world famous karate master George Dillman KO’s his own karate students of varying skill degrees and then as if in some sort of street fighting video game from the 80’s one of his proteges takes on the evil black clad chemist boss at the end!

#5 Tai Chi Practitioner Has Too Much Energy

Instead of lying to you…we’ll just be upfront. We have no idea what the fuck happens in this video.

#6 Empty Force Master Takes on Sceptics after Battling His Own Students

Don’t know what empty force is? Well maybe you should watch and learn the unbelievable powers that empty force can offer the world of martial arts!

#7 Shaolin Gung Fu Expert Attempts James Randi Million Dollar Challenge

We saved one of the best videos for last. In this video a self proclaimed Gung Fu (is that supposed to be Kung Fu? We will never know) expert attempts the James Randi million dollar challenge. He came prepared donning what looks like an authentic Gung Fu haircut and special pajamas. But is he the real deal? Watch and find out!

The post Here Are 7 Videos That Prove Martial Arts Psychic Chi Energy Is a Load of Bollocks! appeared first on The Lizard People.

Dr Boyd Bushman knows where the Aliens are.

They are on a planet called Quintumnia.

God damn that’s a shitty name Boyd!

And here we are thinking that the stupidest shit you could ever name something has already been done by attention seeking celebrity Jerks right here on Earth, naming their kids shit like Apple and Blanket.

Imagine that, flying all the fucking way across the Universe arriving to this perfect blue little majestic place in the galaxy, getting out of your craft and then projecting a thought into the earthlings head that says “Hi Bob, we are aliens from the planet Quintumnia, what is your planet called?” and the Earth creature replies back to you ‘Earth’ wouldn’t you be seriously pissed?

You’ve come 64,000 light years and Humans, the dumbest species of sentient beings in the Universe have a much cooler named Planet than yours.

Area 51, Alien spirits, Phoenix Lights, Polaroid images of Earth from an Alien craft and random shit stuck to a cardboard cut out as if its a science project, it’s all too much man.

Boyd’s buddies from Quintumnia were spotted out and about posing at various different toy stores and Kmart. When approached they did not say anything prompting people to suspect they were too stupid to understand telepathy.

See below image and video of the Quintumnians disguised as toys almost exactly like that scene in E.T.

Boyd’s alien mistaken for a toy. (Image: spikedmilks bucket)

Billy or whatever your name is, you look like a sweet old man and we sincerely hope you Rest in Peace, we don’t need the bad juju on this one.

Peace out Doc.

P.S. How long do you think it will take before the image experts and Photoshop pro’s begins debunking the pictures of Earth taken from the craft that the camera man didn’t think to zoom in on? Please comment below.

The post Crazy Old Scientist Says Aliens Exist and They Come from a Stupid Planet Called ‘Quintumnia’ appeared first on The Lizard People.