No, this is not the title of a never before seen episode of the Twilight Zone nor is it an extra chapter in H.G. Wells Time Machine.

This is real. And it is hilarious. Or disturbing. Depends on how you look at it. Kind of like watching an episode of Adventure Time completely baked off your ass.

But wait there’s more. In case you thought a ‘time traveler’ running for president is about as sparkly as it gets, you would be wrong. Not only is the presidential candidate a ‘time traveler’ he also claims to have teleported to Mars and is an Indigo child with special abilities including using his mind to levitate small objects.

Incredibly by day the super hero time traveler is a lawyer named Andrew Basiago.

Oh, Geez Louise that sucks. Now we definitely can’t trust him even though we absolutely want to! How freaking awesome would it be having this crazy cat as U.S. President! It sure beats the current semi-cool black President who plays basket ball by an awesomeness factor of three thousand percent.

Nevertheless, let’s assume Mr. Presidential Candidate is telling the truth. Realistically as a lawyer he won’t have access to anything other than a rankly old coffee machine or a new iPhone, let alone the time machine he used to surf space time with.

How then will he prove his time travel adventures?

With a photograph. That’s how!

Andy claims to have been part of a U.S. Government program when he was a kid and was sent to Mars, Lincoln’s Gettysburg speech (image attached below), one million years into the past and 2045.

Young time traveler Andrew Basiago photobombing Gettysburg

Andy Basiago published a paper in 2008 titled The Discovery of Life on Mars where he declares:

Evidence that the Red Planet harbors life and has for eons was discovered by the author by examining NASA photograph PIA10214, a westward view of the West Valley of the Columbia Basin in the Gusev Crater that was taken by the Mars Exploration Rover Spirit in November 2007 and beamed back to the Earth.

Below is one of the many images contained in Basiago’s paper where he explains that the image reveals a humanoid, a dinosaur, snakes and an entity with a cobra-like torso.

Basiago’s Indigo child super powers allow him to see what others cannot. All we see is rocks.

On Mars, humanoids and plesiosaurs extinct on Earth co-exist (left), as snakes slither across the ground and a humanoid confronts an odd entity with a cobra-like torso (right). The Martians have adorned the surface above their subterranean dwellings with relics. Is this an ecosystem teeming with life or a surreal sculpture garden? Probably, it is both.

Why would Andy need to write a paper arguing for life on Mars using images NASA took if he’s actually been to Mars? Who knows, maybe the cobra-like rock people were too afraid to show themselves in front of Andy and his time travelling mob of dweebs.

Oddly Andy says he will not win the 2016 presidential election (this was explained to him by Government agents when he and Barack Obama used to hang out and time travel). Basiago says he will run again in 2020 and will definitely win that one.

Andy, mate we’d love to have a beer with you, you are one seriously rad dude.

The post ‘Time Traveler’ Running for President in 2016 appeared first on The Lizard People.

A friend alerted me to a great Lad Bible Facebook post of a woman that appears to be an escaped mental patient or out on early release for good behaviour telling people about her Monster Energy Drink theory. Please understand we are not medical professionals and our diagnosis may be slightly off. Take a look and judge for yourself.

Lets break the video down before we have a jolly old laugh at some of the funnier memes people are posting on The Lad Bible’s Facebook page in response to the video.

Firstly, monster lady managed to find the numbers 666 cleverly embedded into the Monster Energy Drink logo (there are a bunch of these crackpot theories online) and somehow connected this with the Hebrew alphabet. Personally TLP thought it was simple marketing 101 and supposed to resemble the monstrous energy tearing through the can.

Then monster lady displays her project sketches and other random crap on the back of a cardboard box (presumably what she was working on prior to her early release). She explains how Monster Energy Drink cannot be a Christian company because they refer to some of their big fucking cans as “Big Fucking Cans” and because MILF’s (Mom’s I’d Like to Fuck) enjoy the drink…

…naturally there is also an upside down cross which is probably supposed to do something messed up and turn all of the little brats who consume it into Regan like demons straight out of The Exorcist, maybe, we can only assume because she didn’t elaborate. Demonic Superpowers in a can…a’la Monster Energy?

I’d love to be a fly on the wall over at the Blue Sky Beverage Company when the product manager for the energy drink attempts to pitch this one to the marketing manager and other execs.

“So I thought we would attempt to unleash the demon god Satan onto the world today with our perfectly branded Monster Energy Drink. As it turns out, recent polls suggest it is the most well suited energy drink for the upcoming zombie apocalypse…”

Now, those memes we promised you…

…Meanwhile

Monster Energy Executives are laughing their asses off and making it rain dolla billz!

The post Fanatical Christian Woman Finds Satanic Hebrew Message in Monster Energy Drink appeared first on The Lizard People.

#1 Kiai Master vs MMA Fighter

This is a video of a Kiai martial arts master that agreed to a $5,000 dollar fight bet. His opponent? A Mixed Martial Artist. Rules? Winner takes all. The Kiai Master is a force to be reckoned with. He uses magical powers to thrust and throw his opponents around the Dojo with the simple flicker of his fingers and of course, mystical mind powers. We’ll let you see what happens for yourself.

#2 Swedish Hippy Woman Attempts to Create Psychic Force Field

Ever wondered if Psychic Energy and Force Fields are just for mutants and super heroes? This video will answer that question. Watch as this practitioner of a martial art called Yellow Bamboo (claims to teach it’s students how to fight using psychic energy fields) attempts to stop a man running directly at her.

#3 Another Yellow Bamboo Energy Defense Video

As if the first Yellow Bamboo video of that rather ignorant hippy woman getting slammed to the ground wasn’t enough. In this video an Australian man takes on not one, but two Yellow Bamboo energy fighters! Watch the video to see if he escapes alive.

#4 No Touch KO Karate Master Tries His Superhuman Powers on a Non-Believer

Watch as world famous karate master George Dillman KO’s his own karate students of varying skill degrees and then as if in some sort of street fighting video game from the 80’s one of his proteges takes on the evil black clad chemist boss at the end!

#5 Tai Chi Practitioner Has Too Much Energy

Instead of lying to you…we’ll just be upfront. We have no idea what the fuck happens in this video.

#6 Empty Force Master Takes on Sceptics after Battling His Own Students

Don’t know what empty force is? Well maybe you should watch and learn the unbelievable powers that empty force can offer the world of martial arts!

#7 Shaolin Gung Fu Expert Attempts James Randi Million Dollar Challenge

We saved one of the best videos for last. In this video a self proclaimed Gung Fu (is that supposed to be Kung Fu? We will never know) expert attempts the James Randi million dollar challenge. He came prepared donning what looks like an authentic Gung Fu haircut and special pajamas. But is he the real deal? Watch and find out!

The post Here Are 7 Videos That Prove Martial Arts Psychic Chi Energy Is a Load of Bollocks! appeared first on The Lizard People.

Dr Boyd Bushman knows where the Aliens are.

They are on a planet called Quintumnia.

God damn that’s a shitty name Boyd!

And here we are thinking that the stupidest shit you could ever name something has already been done by attention seeking celebrity Jerks right here on Earth, naming their kids shit like Apple and Blanket.

Imagine that, flying all the fucking way across the Universe arriving to this perfect blue little majestic place in the galaxy, getting out of your craft and then projecting a thought into the earthlings head that says “Hi Bob, we are aliens from the planet Quintumnia, what is your planet called?” and the Earth creature replies back to you ‘Earth’ wouldn’t you be seriously pissed?

You’ve come 64,000 light years and Humans, the dumbest species of sentient beings in the Universe have a much cooler named Planet than yours.

Area 51, Alien spirits, Phoenix Lights, Polaroid images of Earth from an Alien craft and random shit stuck to a cardboard cut out as if its a science project, it’s all too much man.

Boyd’s buddies from Quintumnia were spotted out and about posing at various different toy stores and Kmart. When approached they did not say anything prompting people to suspect they were too stupid to understand telepathy.

See below image and video of the Quintumnians disguised as toys almost exactly like that scene in E.T.

Boyd’s alien mistaken for a toy. (Image: spikedmilks bucket)

Billy or whatever your name is, you look like a sweet old man and we sincerely hope you Rest in Peace, we don’t need the bad juju on this one.

Peace out Doc.

P.S. How long do you think it will take before the image experts and Photoshop pro’s begins debunking the pictures of Earth taken from the craft that the camera man didn’t think to zoom in on? Please comment below.

The post Crazy Old Scientist Says Aliens Exist and They Come from a Stupid Planet Called ‘Quintumnia’ appeared first on The Lizard People.

Chris Bovey pissed off a lot of conspiracy theorists when he faked chemtrails, lol.

So as the story goes Chris was on a flight from Buenos Aires, Argentina when his pilot decided to make an emergency landing in Sao Paulo and dumped excess fuel to lighten the load.

Chris being the bright spark that he is decided to film it then upload the footage to youtube insisting that it could have been chemtrails.

Proceeding which, truthers and tards alike all began to revel in his apparent catching of the powers that be. It all got real interesting after Chris added fuel to the fire by posting on Facebook that he had been detained by British authorities at Heathrow airport.

Chris eventually came clean on Volcania Radio hosted by Richie Allen a good buddy of Reptilian bedtime story Peddling David Icke. It was awkward and bizarre.

You can read the full VICE write up and interview with Chris HERE.

Below is the video that duped conspiratards.

And here is the radio show where Chris comes clean to Richie Allan

The post This Guy Faked Chemtrails And Conspiratards Believed Him appeared first on The Lizard People.

…or maybe a better way to put it would be to say watch what doesn’t happen.

Homeopathy for those that don’t know is a way for people to sell magical water and sugar pills to gullible idiots without the 5-0 showing up and busting their ass.

The magical water and sugar pills can apparently cure everything from cancer, tourette’s and even anal warts.

It was invented by a guy called Samuel Hahnemann who also at the time thought that all known diseases are caused by coffee. He later changed his tune.

Homepathic remedies are made by taking herbs and minerals (basically dirt and parsley), adding water, shaking, removing herbs, adding more water, shaking and voila!

Based on this profound knowledge of science and medicine TLP has decided that we will soon be releasing a Homepathic version of Cocaine.

That’s right TLP will be entering the domain previously ruled over by street hustlers and big city drug lords and taking them on with our own concoction that will only cost the coke fiend 72 cents!

The theory is that if we place a $20 note in a bath tub of water, let it sit for 10 minutes the residue of Cocaine and no doubt stripper ass sweat previously left on the note by the fine people of our city will leech into the water as a diluted amount which we will then bottle, shake vigorously and then on sell to junkies and young upstart lawyers that cannot afford regularly priced Cocaine.

The post Science Babe Swallows 50 Homeopathic Sleeping Pills appeared first on The Lizard People.

We are sad to report that a Malaysian Airlines flight has been apparently shot down above one of the disputed Ukrainian and Russian territories.

Our sincere thoughts go out to the families affected.

Currently the news coming out of Europe is that Russian separatists have shot the airliner down. It is not clear at this stage whether the apparent attack was intentional or not or if it even happened.

Always question everything folks.

Those questions that need to be answered?

Was the plane really shot down? Because currently the evidence is lacking and both sides of the disputed area are pointing the finger at one another and with no real evidence to show of any rockets or missiles being fired. The question lingers….and as usual, no one in the mainstream media has even considered the very real threat of aliens.

No rockets, no missiles – think about it! LASERS!

If the Russians shot it down like the mainstream media is suggesting, what is the purpose or was it an accident?

The fact remains that the previous Malaysia Airlines flight MH370 has never been found.

Some are calling this a sad and bizarre coincidence.

Not truthers. We know something is array.

A wicked game is at play.

The real question we are wondering, are sheeple really that gullible? To believe that this is some sort of bizarre coincidence… c’mon.

There is something sinister going on.

Website illuminatiwatcher.com reports, more than likely this crash has something to do with the illuminati and likely aliens. The flight was after all a Boeing 777. With 7 being a favoured number of the illuminati elite such as Alistair Crowley, The Queen and notorious reptilian infidel Barack Obama.

We did some serious investigation online these last few minutes and have found a litany of exceptional citizen reporting.

Mostly it is coming out of truther web forum Above Top Secret and a very highly informative subreddit just take a look at some of the posts below. The ‘7’ signs are truly starting to creep us out here at The Lizard People and so is the talk of 20 pound pigeon/chickens.

Stay tuned folks, this one is going to get seriously weird and creepy. We would not be surprised if an all out alien battle breaks out.

UPDATE: 19th July 2014

GlobalNews.ca is reporting that the bodies of those on flight MH17 were ‘dead, drained of blood and decomposed days before the crash.’ For this to have happened all of the victims families must have been drugged or put into some kind of psychological trance keeping them from remembering that their family members were gone days before their flight and coincidentally, where did the plane take off from? Amsterdam.

Amsterdam is famous for its legal use of marijuana and magic mushrooms.

More than likely the families of the victims in Holland were all doped up on weed by secret Dutch psyop agents working for ‘the powers that and be’ then brainwashed them into believing their family members had departed four months later than the real real time and date they had actually left.

It is still unknown at this stage why family members of the victims not in Holland are also experiencing the exact same psychological effects, so far the theory is that a mass collective resonance of brain frequencies has happened, somehow.

Lets also consider the fact that this plane was loaded with attendees headed for a major AIDS conference in Melbourne, Australia…. for all we know the cure for AIDS was on that plane and big pharma stepped up to the plate to squash the rebellious competition.

Could this have been the same plane? Of course it could have.

This has got FALSE FLAG WORLD GOVERNMENT SECRET ILLUMINATI PSYOP written all over it folks!

If you’re not already trembling in your boots, you should be!

The post Crashed Malaysia Flight MH17 – Coincidence or Illuminati? appeared first on The Lizard People.

SHOCKING: YouTube user “Moto Pupu” has uploaded a video of itself re-growing a damaged fingernail exactly like a reptile. See the disgusting video for yourself below. WARNING, some viewers may require medical attention.

This evidence proves beyond reasonable doubt that the Reptilian agenda as revealed by world renowned academics in popular online web forums has not only begun but is tearing across continents like a wild fire aided by the power elite’s technocratic agenda for world domination.

Who is commandeering who, is the real question. Reptilians or the New World Order? It’s anyone’s guess and some say they are one and the same.

Scientists from the Reptoid Bio Regeneration Lab were busted earlier this week at a Bio Tech AKA Death conference when they were caught red handed discussing secret genetic human reptile mutation projects by brave TheLizardPeople.com reporters.

An excerpt of the discussion is below.

Engineer #1: the best way to get optimal effects in the mash mixture is to use some type of dairy and protein mixture first so that it melts nicely

Engineer #2: salted or unsalted?

Engineer #1: salted of course

Engineer #2: and when do you add the cold dairy protein and mix?

Engineer #1: before or after, doesn’t really matter, I prefer after myself, so long as you mix it up nice and get a good creamy consistency.

As you can see from the disgusting excerpt above the two technocratic worshiping scum were obviously talking about extracted human stem cells from salted mixture’s of human bone marrow being blended together with that of a cold blooded reptile parts for some sort of human testing program.

Their discussion was so “cold and precise” one Lizard People reporter said that “they could have easily been conversing about mashed potatoes”.

Disgusting.

TheLizardPeople.com reporters eventually uncovered many thousands of similar cases to the one above shot in the YouTube video. Similar cases include human hair regenerating up to 6 inches per year, baby’s eye color changing and even tooth regeneration between the ages of 4 and 13.

We thank our reporters for their brave and tireless efforts.

You are the Dissonance!

The post YouTube User Re-Grows Body Parts, Just like Reptile appeared first on The Lizard People.